Amalgamation of Life

Thank You

This one is going to be rough.  Personally rough.  It’ll be easy to get through as I’ll only have to navigate speaking to 34 people but regardless it’ll be rough.

  • Thanking our members and patrons with food and entertainment

There’s a lot of personal content going into this piece so, much like my last piece, you’ve been warned.  I hope no one cries.

Let me tell you why I cried while writing this.  I spent close to a month writing this blog post.  I knew what I wanted to say but I couldn’t bring myself to write it out or write it out coherently.  I made a few go’s and they didn’t work, I couldn’t even read them afterwards (again, crying).

My previous partner, as you may recall from several posts over the course of the month, and I dissolved our relationship.  And by dissolved I mean obliterated.  He is not innocent.  I am not innocent.  But it’s over and I wish him the best and I am finding my best.  One of my best [ways? avenues?] is this blog so thankfully you guys get the brunt of my attention when I can’t find it elsewhere in my friends (mainly because they’re asleep and it’s 11 pm when I write this piece).  I will not derail, back on point..

He’s going to be at our banquet.  He worked at the theatre and acted in a show for the production I did.  I believe he’ll be there for Laramie and potentially Gypsy or 1940s.  I have no idea.  I can’t tell what obligations he made or I made, which of course are probably angry reminders of the type of person I am and one of the reasons he became so embittered to me by the end.  But that’s pretty typical stuff.  I never would want (?) to desire to see him again – sure I have weak moments where all I can think of is him and what he’s doing or what we’d be doing if we were together.  You know, good ole times.

I had hoped our banquet would have housed a few more people than 30 and it’s entirely possible that I won’t have to worry about seeing him but I find that hard to imagine or believe.  Again, I try to be a realist even as much as I know that I am not on an ordinary day but this blog is not about day dreams.  It has goals but not day dreams.  I don’t know how I am going to feel when I see him or how I’m going to react.  I am hoping that I don’t break down crying in the middle of the floor because I want to have fun – not in spite of him and not to rub it in his face cause he’ll actually be manning (?) the sound from my last recall.  I just want to have fun.

I came to a realization a few days ago that there is no way for me to move forward and progress as a human if I hold onto this past.  I can’t control how he feels/felt about the situation.  It’s over.  We are over.  It was once really hard to write that, think that, feel that – I would immediately break down in tears.  We had a great run when it was great but it wasn’t always great and it outweighed the good.  I am probably going to continue seeing him at the theatre.  I am definitely going to see him at the banquet.  This is an inevitability.

It’s important to separate but meld the two realities together.  The only thing I can do is make the best of the situation.  Fortunately I’ll be surrounded by some of my best friends, good people and my board of directors.  Which I laugh about considering the post I just wrote about BOD membership and that cookie analogy… haha, still makes me titter.  Alright, I got off topic again.  Which is good, believe it or not.  Why?  Because I am no longer residing completely in my head and rolling through the motions.  I am actually a part of this blog entry, my conversations with my friends, playing with snapchat filters and posting ridiculous IG shots of my workouts.

I am alive and well.  Take your personal experiences and allow them to mold the future you, don’t let them wrinkle your sprinkle.  ‘Til next time. #cookies4lyfe

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