This one is going to be rough. Personally rough. It’ll be easy to get through as I’ll only have to navigate speaking to 34 people but regardless it’ll be rough.
- Thanking our members and patrons with food and entertainment
There’s a lot of personal content going into this piece so, much like my last piece, you’ve been warned. I hope no one cries.
Let me tell you why I cried while writing this. I spent close to a month writing this blog post. I knew what I wanted to say but I couldn’t bring myself to write it out or write it out coherently. I made a few go’s and they didn’t work, I couldn’t even read them afterwards (again, crying).
My previous partner, as you may recall from several posts over the course of the month, and I dissolved our relationship. And by dissolved I mean obliterated. He is not innocent. I am not innocent. But it’s over and I wish him the best and I am finding my best. One of my best [ways? avenues?] is this blog so thankfully you guys get the brunt of my attention when I can’t find it elsewhere in my friends (mainly because they’re asleep and it’s 11 pm when I write this piece). I will not derail, back on point..
He’s going to be at our banquet. He worked at the theatre and acted in a show for the production I did. I believe he’ll be there for Laramie and potentially Gypsy or 1940s. I have no idea. I can’t tell what obligations he made or I made, which of course are probably angry reminders of the type of person I am and one of the reasons he became so embittered to me by the end. But that’s pretty typical stuff. I never would want (?) to desire to see him again – sure I have weak moments where all I can think of is him and what he’s doing or what we’d be doing if we were together. You know, good ole times.
I had hoped our banquet would have housed a few more people than 30 and it’s entirely possible that I won’t have to worry about seeing him but I find that hard to imagine or believe. Again, I try to be a realist even as much as I know that I am not on an ordinary day but this blog is not about day dreams. It has goals but not day dreams. I don’t know how I am going to feel when I see him or how I’m going to react. I am hoping that I don’t break down crying in the middle of the floor because I want to have fun – not in spite of him and not to rub it in his face cause he’ll actually be manning (?) the sound from my last recall. I just want to have fun.
I came to a realization a few days ago that there is no way for me to move forward and progress as a human if I hold onto this past. I can’t control how he feels/felt about the situation. It’s over. We are over. It was once really hard to write that, think that, feel that – I would immediately break down in tears. We had a great run when it was great but it wasn’t always great and it outweighed the good. I am probably going to continue seeing him at the theatre. I am definitely going to see him at the banquet. This is an inevitability.
It’s important to separate but meld the two realities together. The only thing I can do is make the best of the situation. Fortunately I’ll be surrounded by some of my best friends, good people and my board of directors. Which I laugh about considering the post I just wrote about BOD membership and that cookie analogy… haha, still makes me titter. Alright, I got off topic again. Which is good, believe it or not. Why? Because I am no longer residing completely in my head and rolling through the motions. I am actually a part of this blog entry, my conversations with my friends, playing with snapchat filters and posting ridiculous IG shots of my workouts.
I am alive and well. Take your personal experiences and allow them to mold the future you, don’t let them wrinkle your sprinkle. ‘Til next time. #cookies4lyfe