Ask any one who knows me… there is nothing I like more than finding out things after they’ve happened. I’ve had two instances on two separate shows where actors felt the need to finally disclose to me their comfort level with decisions I had made. What a treat, right?
It’s very upsetting when people feel that 1) you won’t be offended they don’t like your choice, 2) they can hide their feelings and try to push through (trust me, no one is that good of an actor), and 3) they couldn’t tell me sooner. I literally don’t know how many times I’ve written or said out loud that if there are any questions or concerns, do not hesitate to reach out to me. I say it enough that I actually feel that I say it too much, did it lose meaning? It’s much like my manager says, push yourself into verifying information (re: in this case, comfort level with costume or other choices) before a show opening.
It never ceases to amaze me that people get this look of urgency, they follow you around because of course every one else wants to talk to you for once, and then they finally explode with diarrhea of the mouth. What else am I supposed to do besides absorb the shock and let it go? I get frustrated, who wouldn’t? I feel hurt, who wouldn’t? I’m not saying that my artistic integrity is ruined but I definitely feel that a resolution could have been reached between myself and the concerned parties.
It’s good having these experiences though because if anything it has helped me learn the signs of this potentially happening again. Although, there will most certainly be other instances where I am completely blindsided, at least I can circumvent some of the others and approach people before tech week. Who knows though? Theatre and people, especially theatre people, are unpredictable – I know that’s a terrible thing to say because often we are encapsulated as beings with little to no consitution (spine or steel). A majority of theatre people are actually quite cutting a majority of the time, we just have horrific timing.
Overall, I am pleased to be feared but I am sad to be feared simultaneously. It’s an awkward state to life but someone has to live it and I guess that someone is me. ‘Til next time.