I’ve done my best over the past year (and some change) to be as honest as possible with my thoughts and feelings relating to theatre. I think, going back and re-reading some posts, that I have been forthright and accurate in my depiction of my feelings; it’s a love-hate relationship.
Theatre is not a beast that can be tamed, and I am not Belle (as much as I might want to be). It is hard work. It is emotionally and physically draining. It is often unpleasant. There are times when I can’t think of anything other than quitting. Moments where I want to turn my back to everything I’ve built over the last +3 years and let it all go to waste. I find myself constantly questioning my resolution and devotion to my repeated (repetitive?) involvement and dedication to shows.
So why do I do it?
Specifically because there are challenges that I haven’t completed. Yet. There are people that I haven’t met. Yet. There are songs that I haven’t sung (or sung along with the cast if I am in staff). Yet. There are props I haven’t fiddled with (and potentially broken–sorry Linda, it was me). Yet. I haven’t learned how to dress enough body styles. Yet. I haven’t been exposed to new make up techniques. Yet. It hasn’t been enough. Yet.
That’s a big word for me, here. I am unsatisfied, and have been for quite some time, of where my theatre life has lead me. It hasn’t been enough, yet. There is much to do and much to see. The other day, my friends and all agreed (separately, but noted to one another in a group chat) to join this season’s play reading committee for next season. I think, combined across the four of us, we had over 40 options to present to the committee for reading and consideration. [Digression: 40 plays or musicals that enticed us to present to our peers. 40 titles where maybe only 1-2 possibly make it to the Board of Directors. The Board of Directors which is where we sit, and where all 4 of us will be approved Directors for next season.] 40 shows that, if not picked this year, some of which might carry over into the next seasons selection, and then the next, and then the next, and so on and so forth.
So, yet. It’s big and it’s not finished. I am not finished. As much as I hate it some times, theater, the people, the work, the timing, the everything… I wouldn’t give any of it up. Yet.
‘Til next time.